First, thank you to everyone for your supportive and generous comments on my indoor tri relsults. It means a lot coming from people I respect in this community, thank you.
I got my result standings on the indoor tri yesterday. As I suspected, the run sunk me. I was tied for 19 of 25 overall females. Had I posted a more stellar run, I would have made the top 10....sigh. Running, the bane of my triathlon existence. I am not diappointed about not winning, I am not disapoointed about not placing top 3. I am disappointed about finishing so low in the standings, I am disappointed about my run being crap (once again), I am disappointed I couldn't/didn't push myself harder.
I am trying to balance this all out in my mind. I did do better than planned in the swim and I have made great progress in the pool. I had no idea whether I could keep up 31-32 MPH on the bike for half an hour, having never done it before, but I did do it despite the skin on my legs getting shredded in the process (my wounds are still oozing...grossness). That damn run, my running, running, ugh!
I have been running for just about a year now. About the same amount of time as I have been swimming. Before this I was a recreational swimmer and only ran when I had to (in soccer practice and in games, certainly not because I just felt like it!). Somehow, I am less forgiving when it comes to running and more forgiving when it comes to swimming. Why? Is it because I am able to better measure my progress in the pool? Is running harder than swimming?
Then there is the whole issue of pain threshold. My pain threshold and whether or not I can push past the pain. Is this an acquired skill? Do I push myself hard enough? Can I push myself harder? How do I know when I am pushing hard enough? Do I really have to puke to get my answer? If I spent my entire run in zone 5, was there still room to push more?
I am sitting here in compression tights for the second day in a row. My body hurts! I am sore beyond belief (I'm still biking this afternoon though!). Clearly I gave it all I had for the race, but does that mean that I haven't given enough in my training? Am I supposed to hurt this much after a race? Is it normal to push beyond what you do in training for a race?
As I embark on my second season of doing triathlons I realize how much of a learning process this is if you want to take it even remotely seriously. I find myself asking more questions than gaining answers. That is not to say that Coach Michelle isn't awesome, cuz she is so awesome. It's just that I am discovering and learning so much more about my mind body connection than I have ever had to do in all my years of being an athlete. I know I have never pushed myself like this before and it raises all sorts of questions about limitations, breaking points, endurance, pain. I also think my age forces me to be more cerebral about everything; over thinking the why, the how, the able to. It makes the days of a roundhouse kick to the head seem like a walk in the park.